Bernie Scolaro is a retired school counselor, a past president of the Sioux City Education Association, and former Sioux City school board member.

I would park around the corner and wait until there was no traffic, no sign of people, before getting out and swiftly entering the bar in Sioux City, Iowa. It was the 1980s, and entering and leaving Three Cheers (the only gay bar in town) without being noticed was always a challenge. I felt the stigma of having to hide who I was, deny myself, not knowing who would approve or disapprove, or what the backlash might be if I were exposed.

At some point in my life, I came to a crossroads. I realized not only that I had to be true to myself, but also that I needed to let others know and accept me. While took too long, I eventually realized that I had another responsibility as well: to show others it’s okay if you are gay and love whom you love. I realized that being open helped others accept themselves and/or their family members who were struggling with their identity.

Earlier this week, I went to dinner. I was wearing RAYGUN’s “Iowa for Kamala” t-shirt while my partner wore RAYGUN’s “Mind your own damn business” t-shirt. 

A lady walked up to our table as she and her group were leaving and thanked us—thanked us—for wearing the shirts. We understood that shared feeling. Many people have become afraid of showing our support for Kamala Harris or other Democrats during this divisive, chaotic, and violent Trump era. 

Even though we wore the shirts, we also felt that eyes would be on us and judging us. I’m not ashamed of who I support, but that feeling of needing to hide in fear of backlash reminds me of when I would run into the gay bar and hope no one saw me.

Again, I am reminded at this crossroad, that we must show support for Kamala Harris and Democrats up and down the ballot in spite of any concerns about retaliation. We must be open in order to give others permission to do the same, and to recognize they are not alone.

I proudly put out my Harris-Walz yard sign. And to the lady who thanked us, thank you for reminding us to stand together in this fight for democracy.