Writing under the handle “Bronxiniowa,” Ira Lacher, who actually hails from the Bronx, New York, is a longtime journalism, marketing, and public relations professional.

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“As some day it may happen that a victim must be found
I’ve got a little list — I’ve got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground
And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!“
—Gilbert and Sullivan, from The Mikado

All around the state of Iowa, and perhaps soon in the 34 other states where legislation is bubbling, school districts are making not so little lists — of books to be removed from school libraries and classrooms. In Iowa the reason is Senate File 496, which, by accident or diabolic design closely resembles the title of Ray Bradbury’s novel Fahrenheit 451, in which a future authoritarian American government has criminalized all books and burns any they find. (The title relates to the temperature at which paper catches fire.)

The school district of the Des Moines suburb of Urbandale came up with a not-so-little list of 374 books to be removed, which included classics such as Ulysses, The Catcher in the Rye and The Color Purple. Presumably, those violated the perception of prurience espoused by Republican legislators and Governor Kim Reynolds (section 728.1, d, (2)). So, also presumably, according to those elected representatives, teens reading about sex is objectionable but teens actually having sex is OK, as long as it results in teens having unplanned children.

Even though the Urbandale district pared down its list to 64 titles, it still contained works such as Native Son, The Handmaid’s Tale and Brave New World. And not long after, another suburban Des Moines district, Norwalk, issued its own list, of 64 books.

This law has aroused many Iowans, who may justifiably believe that only totalitarian societies, such as Nazi Germany and Iran, ban books and censor other written words. Iowa Republicans’ assault on the printed word has not yet reached beyond the schoolhouse door. But our state is certainly batting leadoff.

The pro-free-speech group Pen America has counted nearly 1,500 instances of book banning, encompassing nearly 900 titles, in the first half of the 2022–23 school year. The organization offers numerous tips for concerned students, parents, and others to fight back, including the usual: speaking out, demonstrating, contacting state legislators and school boards, and so on.

But perhaps there’s a better solution: passive aggression.

School advocate Margaret Buckton told The Cedar Rapids Gazette, if you’re going to remove a book because a family has two dads or moms, that would mean removing any book that depicts a mom and dad; because, heterosexuality. So parents could call for the removal of any such book.

What to do with banned books? According to a memo from the Norwalk district, books from school libraries will be boxed up and kept in the building, but teachers can take home classroom books. Suppose copies of those books started appearing in the neighborhood constructs called Little Free LIbraries?

Nor does the law have anything to do with public libraries. So, parents and teachers could work with librarians to ensure that those titles remain available. They could launch library card drives, so students could borrow those books.

Instead of bake sales to raise money for new football uniforms, PTAs could use the funds to buy copies of banned books and donate them to public libraries, so more copies would be available. Local libraries could stage age-appropriate book discussion sessions for parents and children. Students could form book clubs. And this could be a moneymaker for local booksellers, which could stage similar events and then offer those books for sale at a discount.

America has a history of banning items that some people somewhere found objectionable for some reason. That’s sure worked well — remember Prohibition? Not only did that attempt to outlaw the sale of alcohol spawn a widespread and extensive black market and give rise to organized crime but it also steered folks toward more addictive substances such as opium.

Memo to legislators and Governor Reynolds: Nice job at accomplishing something that accomplishes nothing but provoking widespread contempt. Do you honestly believe that banning books in schools about LGBTQ issues will stamp out gayness or gender awareness? Or banning books depicting sex will keep students celibate? Have you forgotten about the street corner? Or its descendant, the internet? How do you fight that? Even going whole-hog bluenose with more draconian classroom bans — certain movies (kissing!), field trips (art museums!) and streaming music (sexually overt hits) — isn’t likely to change a simple fact:

Today’s school-age Americans don’t need to resort to school libraries to get hold of what they want to learn more about.

So go ahead, everyone: Make your little lists of banned books. Just as Gilbert and Sullivan penned: “And they’ll none of ’em be missed — they’ll none of ’em be missed.”

Top photograph of frequently banned books by On The Run Photo is available via Shutterstock.